I went for a weigh-in today. I’ve been on a program since March or so. I did really well at the beginning of it. Lost weight, was definitely much more fit.  Had a goal, and was taking small steps.

And then, just like my friend Stacy at Moderate Means, I self-sabotaged my progress. I stopped training. I started eating all the junk food again. (I hadn’t completely stopped before. Was just trying to limit them.)

And now? Yeah,  At THAT weight. You know the one. The one you swear you won’t tolerate. won’t go over. The weight you Just Won’t Do.

It got me thinking about all the reasons why I’m overweight in the first place.

I’m not active enough.

This is the main reason, of course. I don’t move enough partly because my right foot has caused me difficulty since I was in primary school.  And the doctors didn’t diagnose it correctly. Gym and PE were always very painful and because the doctors couldn’t find it, the PE teachers thought I was just trying to get out of PE. So I’ve got a mental block when it comes to physical activity, even though I have proper orthotics for my poor feet now, and a personal trainer who does his best to make me move.

I’m also a bit computer addicted and yeah, computer addicts spend a lot of time sitting.

I eat too much junk food

Kinda obvious, you’d think, but I’ve met people who are obese and don’t eat any junk. I hate love chocolate. It is my nemesis. But actually, I can use moderation with junk food. The problem is…

I eat when I’m feeling lonely, unconfident and stressed

Leave me alone in the house with any junk food and it will not be there when you come back. Solution: don’t buy it. Ha. yeah… about that.  I can go weeks without buying chocolate.  It still appears in my cupboard. I’m not the only person who loves  hates chocolate in this house.

I feel like an jerk in social situations very very often. When I get home and remember all the stupid things I said or did, I eat.

And when I’m stressed, I sit on the couch and eat chocolate. Yep.

I’m a social eater

My job involves a lot of meetings. And in this job culture, meetings mean food. Morning tea, lunch, suppers. (Supper in Kiwiland means “after-dinner snack and dessert — they didn’t film LOTR and cast Kiwis as Hobbits for nothin’, you know.  Kiwis believe in Elevenses!!) And I have trouble saying no to shared food. Especially shared food that’s sitting in front of me for two or more hours while I’m getting twitchy from being away from my computer for too long bored. And we’re not talking healthy stuff here. We’re talking baking. Like slices (bars), biscuits (cookies), cakes, pies, you know, stuff made with (*gasp*) butter.

My personal trainer tells me that I need to make a menu plan and stick with it. That I have to take my own food to the meetings. That when I feel lonely, stressed, and unconfident I should pull out my exercise ball and use it. And that I need to plan my exercise times as well, because people who make a plan are more likely to stick to it.

So here I go, to refocus and try again, and pull back from *The Evil Number* because that’s what I need to do. Hopefully I can stop the self-sabotage in its tracks.


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About Broot

Thoughts about learning and life that are lost in a sea of blogs.

6 responses to “Self-sabotage”

  1. Robin G says :

    Thank you for not naming the evil number. I don’t need to see it anywhere other than my scale.

    You can do it. Call the first time a practice run. On to the real deal.

  2. Stacy says :

    This is one of those things I hate to have company on!

    Isn’t it crazy how we can know with absolute certainty that we need to live a certain way and then do the exact opposite? I don’t know how my brain does it, but it does. I know I’m making a bad decision but just lack the willpower to stop myself. And by failing, I’m setting myself up to fail again. It’s a mean cycle.

    Good luck – and if you find a way out of this habit, please let me know!!


  3. mommylebron says :

    Hey, you can do it! Having a plan is important, too. There’s a lot of websites you can use too that will help you meal plan and keep track of calories and what not. Some have apps you can add to your smart phone.
    Good luck!

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